Speaking from personal experience, stress and anxiety can be one of the biggest libido killers. But I don’t come at this topic with a “getting laid is the most important” attitude. What scares most people, isn’t the lack of thunder down under, it’s the fear of disconnection, the feelings of being undesirable, as well as your partner’s stress.

It can feel like it will never come back again … that something is wrong with you.

But I’m here to tell you that it’s okay! You’re normal.

Stress sucks the life and energy right out of us – and all we sometimes have left is the energy to feed and dress ourselves, get to work, etc.

The following list includes things you can do to help reduce your anxiety levels.

NOTE: Tackle these tasks with your CALM in mind … not what’s between your legs. As a result, your sex drive should come back on its own – killing two birds with one stone as it were.


If you’re stressed about sex … then don’t have it. Take that pressure away. Instead, focus on romantic or intimate acts (with the very clear message that it won’t lead anywhere). Cuddle, kiss, hold hands, stay in each other’s arms, have a glass of wine.


Learn to rephrase how you talk about yourself because trash-talking your entire being is just not cool. Little, daily reinforcements like this are very helpful.

I’m fat – I’m beautiful.
I’m lazy – I’m working through things.
I just can’t do anything – I’m going to be patient with this journey.
I suck at sex – I want to explore the world of sex more.
I’m not giving my partner sex – I can focus on my partner’s other needs.
I’m so horny but I can’t do anything – I’m going explore my own body more.


We might be in horrible situations, but there is always something good in our lives. Start a gratitude journal (book or app) and write down the things that are good each day. It can be anything big or small, sexual or not.

“I shared a romantic kiss with my lover today”
“I took a 5-minute walk outside today”
“I have a roof over my head”


It’s no joke that stress sucks the life out of you. It can also dump a huge amount of natural chemicals in your body that shouldn’t be there for extended periods of time. Make sure you’re getting all your vitamins and minerals through a healthy diet and possibly the addition of supplements.


This isn’t a gratitude journal like before. It’s a sex journal. Write down everything that happens to you in the romance and bedroom department – big or small. Collect info and see if any patterns emerge. Or, take it to a professional therapist as part of counseling.


It’s like going to your happy place – imagining a calming environment or journey. It can be done by listening to a recording or using your own process.

Be sure to talk to your partner(s) about what’s going on and how you feel. Make sure you don’t play any blame games – just keep them in the loop. Maybe there is something you can work on together. If nothing else, letting them know what’s going on will help them be more understanding.

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